Wow, I thought Imight never come back to this blog, but here I am. God is good and He is still on the throne. I have just finished another Emmaus weekend. What a tool God uses with these weekends to refresh and renew our spirits! Being on the team is probably more wonderful than participating as a "pilgrim" as we call the new candidates. To see the faces of those new ones as they are being loved with nothing expected in return. They almost don't know how to receive it. We are all like that, I think. We are taught to give gifts, but we are never taught to receive. We actually do not know how to receive the gift of grace that God gives us so freely. It's more than our little minds can comprehend.
I wish I could put into words what this weekend did for me. On Friday all day I battled with being "scattered". That's about the best way I can describe it. I got up to lead music (which I am usually quite overly prepared for) and first I picked up the wrong book. Then I could not remember the words to the most basic of songs. It was crazy. I even confessed to one of the clergy and he asked if I needed prayer. Of course, I said No. How stupid was I??????? I like to pray for people but when it comes to admitting that I need the prayer, it is so hard for me to confess that I am in the need of prayer. (Yeah, I hear so many of you laughing!).
Later in the day, I heard that someone had said something mean about me. Yep, even at 54, people still get to me! (Ha). I took that all the rest of the afternoon and stewed over it. By the end of the day and the last chapel service occurred, I knew I had to set this matter straight or I could bust or go home. Neither was really an option. It's a little difficult if the music director steps out of place and I knew I had to get my spirit lined up or it would be an awful weekend musically for the pilgrims, and worse still for me.
Now the problem is picking which clergy to speak with. I knew the "something" had been said by two men and there were only four there. Left little room for error. So I picked the one I could trust the most (or felt I could). After all the pilgrims had their chance to speak to a clergy (because they are the most important people on the weekend ... the pilgrims, not the clergy) I chose "my guy". We went into the vestibule and I started blubbering and talking. Guess what! It turned out that he was one of the guys!!!!!!!!!!! How funny God can be!
After I spilled my guts over this situation, we talked for about 30 minutes or so. Everything was straightened out and I know that even though Satan meant it for our downfall, God meant it for good!!! Again, isn't He funny like that! I then was telling my story to one of my dear friends and she said she would pray for me. Next morning, she asked how I was felling about everything. I felt wonderful. Felt like a load had been lifted and that God was again in control (not that He was ever out of control). She said she had prayed for me and that she saw my face clearly before her. She saw many people around me, one of which was a man in a suit (I clearly know who it was now but ... ). She said as she prayed for me, all the people began to leave. I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW, SATAN WAS USING THOSE PEOPLE AGAINST ME. My mind was not where it should have been and now, God was allowing me to be free to sing and direct music as was my job.
The rest of the weekend went by quickly, and yet not so quickly. The pilgrims laughed, cried, sang, played and anything else that God would allow them do and they were filled to the brim with agape love and God's precious spirit. How wonderful is that???!!!
Thanks be to His unmerited grace and mercy to allow us to keep having a part in His plan. Thanks for letting me share!
Love to all and I'll be back very soon with the continuation of Revelation for those interested. Maybe I'll even learn to post pictures and make this a little more interesting!
